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It happens to all of us. There are times when we make a mistake. Sometimes it is a little social faux pas. Most often, it is an error in judgement. Occasionally, it is an ongoing pattern of mistakes, errors and outright wrongdoing. We can usually excuse the infrequent mistake. It is common to forgive a small insult, especially if it was accidental rather than intentional.
Larger mistakes are another thing. It is hard to forgive a betrayer or a thief. When a mistake becomes criminal, there are often unpleasant consequences should one get caught. Yet whether the individual is caught or not, he is liable to the penalties for his actions.
Usually, stronger actions merit stronger consequences. This applies both to quality and quantity. It is the severity of the action added to the number of times it was done. The teenager arrested for shoplifting a DVD might face a fine, whereas the man accused of multiple burglaries could face years in jail. The young lass who inadvertently snubs his neighbor might be forgiven without a word being said, but the woman who deliberately slanders a friend could be shunned by her peers. Either way, getting caught is no fun. There are always some kind of unpleasant results from doing the wrong things.
There are occasions where consequences for even the worst offenses can be minimized or totally forgiven. The wrongdoer is let “off the hook” and the penalties are shaved to a bare minimum or discarded altogether. Either way, he gets to start with a clean slate. This is colloquially known as “getting a pass.” Just as a bus pass allows people to ride for free, so this type of pass allows a person to get free of consequences as if he had been exonerated.
A classic example of a pass from the last two decades was Sammy “the Bull” Gravano, a notorious New York gangster implicated in numerous murders and other crimes. In exchange for a light sentence, he testified against his former associates. That was a generous pass, considering that Sammy did only five years in jail for 19 murders.
Less know was the case of Henry Hill, another mobster who had been given witness protection in exchange for testimony. Hill could have done many years in jail for charges ranging from racketeering to cocaine distribution. His story was central to the book Wiseguy, which recounted his days in the New York Mafia. Considering all of his criminal activities and the penalties which Hill had committed, he had received one heck of a pass!
On a lower scale was a fellow several of us had befriended years ago. He was a likable person, and we referred people to him. That ended when it came to light that he had blatantly tried to take advantage of women, one of whom was a friend’s wife. We confronted the man. Suffice to say he had fallen from our good graces.
A few months later, we decided to give the man another chance. He was a likable sort, and worth offering a second chance. In effect, we gave him a pass. To help him save face, we said we may have been more severe than necessary. That was done so he would feel he had a clean slate.
Another case was a man barely out of his teens. Johnny had spent his adolescent years unwisely. The result was a stack of warrants for a variety of crimes that could have gotten him five to ten years in prison. Johnny had been working to turn his life around. With the help of friends, he was allowed to clear up those warrants in return for five years probation. That was quite a pass, indeed.
Getting a pass is not an end, in itself. It is a beginning. All the pass does is free you from the worst consequences. It is exoneration for past misdeeds, not a lifetime exemption from accountability for your future actions. The pass is given with the hope that you will not do it again.
The greater your misdeeds, the greater the value of your pass. It is up to you to appreciate it and take it as an opportunity. Many have made the mistake of thinking a pass was a sign of leniency or even weakness. They thought their future actions would be less likely to incur disfavor. In reality, once a pass is given, future errors are usually handled with greater severity. The attitude is that you received a generous gift once. You should know better than to cause trouble again.
Sam Gravano eventually went back to crime. He started dealing drugs, and it put him in prison for many years. He did not appreciate his pass.
Henry Hill started dealing drugs and ended up in jail. His new life became a shambles
The fellow we befriended decided to brag that we had “apologized for a great injustice.” He lost any hope for friendship and goodwill from us. None of us have had anything to do with him. That cost him in several ways. He ignored the pass and ended up losing goodwill. At a time he needed friends, they were gone.
Johnny was young, and realized he could remake his life. He did. He went to school and started building himself a life. His close call with serious jail time was enough to make him realize the value of his pass. That was over 20 years ago. An acquaintance ran across Johnny recently and said that he is still doing well. Johnny appreciated the pass he was given.
A pass is a doorway to the future. It is a gift. The difference is in how you use it. You can take it as a token of future leniency, or see it as a one-time opportunity for a fresh start. Keep in mind that those giving you a pass have their own expectations. If you take the fresh start, all is well and good. If you take the pass as a license to err again, the response will be more severe than if you never had a pass at all.
Take the gift as an opportunity to move past your wrongdoing. You were given a once-in-a-lifetime chance for a new start. Be grateful. Honor it. Someone thought enough of you to give you a pass. Think enough of them to do the right thing.